Tuesday, March 22, 2011

You will probably be just like her!

You might disagree with me on this one.

From neighbors, friends, relatives, coworkers, etc.

"You know what, So-and-So had a miscarriage(s) and they went on to have three healthy babies!"

This is another tough one because I know it's meant to be encouraging. For me, it's annoying. I used to believe what people say. Now I don't. When I was pregnant the first time, people assured me I wouldn't miscarry, based on my health history and age. Even when I was spotting heavily, one of my pregnant friends, said DON'T worry. It's nothing. It wasn't nothing. I lost the baby.

During my second pregnancy, people said the same things. It won't happen to you again. There's no way. It did. Even when I had the same exact pain and spotting, my dear friend, who is a DOCTOR, said no. Don't worry. You're probably not miscarrying again. 

I know they were just trying to help. And I'm sure there are people out there who spotted and had healthy babies. I'm not one of the them.

I just don't believe what people say anymore. I've heard enough crazy things. I've felt complete and utter disappointment. I've seen first hand that you can pray for a baby every single night and still lose her. 

So, pardon me, friend. I will smile and nod while you tell the anecdotal story about the woman down the street and her happy family.


  1. what i hate is, "just relax, it'll happen. so-and-so gave up on infertility treatments and got pregnant!"

    do these people know how conception works? if you don't ovulate it is IMPOSSIBLE to get pregnant. since i don't seem to ovulate without chemical intervention, and my husband's swimmers can't seem to get where they need to go without hitching a ride, i will NOT suddenly find myself pregnant some day if i just RELAX.

  2. I hated that one - I felt like yelling back "yeah but I wanted this baby" not some possible future one.

  3. My mom constantly tells me stories about women who got their "happy ending" after having multiple miscarriages, and yeah, it really does make me want to tell her to shut up and just let me grieve for the babies I didn't get to have. People just don't get that even if we do manage to have a healthy baby "someday" it won't erase the heartache for the first ones we carried, however briefly.

    Hi. I'm new to your blog and I'm finding it both hilarious and cathartic.

  4. Exactly!

    P.S. I know I'm becoming that weird girl who comments on everyone's comments, but I can't help it! I like you guys a lot. :)