Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Bright Spot

Today is a shit day you guys. It's the due date for my first baby, Clarence.

March 23.

Maybe I would have had him by now. Maybe I'd be swollen and tired and full of hope and ready to deliver. My mother would already be in town. My husband would be caffeinated and happy and making jokes about our "little guy."

I'm working hard to see the bright spots today. For us, for Clarence.

"I love you more than ever," wrote my husband in a note this morning. "I wish we could hold Clarence today, and see the child formed in God's image and our likeness."

His words brought me to tears. The good kind.


  1. thinking of you and clarence on your due date, and so sorry he is not here in your arms (or your belly!)

  2. Thanks Julie! You're the nicest.

  3. Dates are hard. Thinking about you. Just found your blog and wanted to let you know you aren't alone!

  4. I'm sorry for your loss. It's hard when so many dates come around. After several miscarriages, it ends up being half the calendar. Thinking of you.

  5. I was just reading through your blog and I came across this post. The due date for my angel baby was March 23rd too. It was a really hard day. I remember leaving work in tears and no one really understanding since I had lost my baby 30 weeks before. Hang in there!! I'm so sorry for your loss.