This one is inspired by the lovely Singular Desire, who commented that the worst thing she heard was.... nothing.
In my mind this is the cardinal sin a friend or family member can commit. Even the most bumbling phrase "maybe... meant.... to be.... what happened... you can have another.... don't worry...." is better than radio silence.
As parents who have lost our little babies, whether at 4 weeks or full term, we struggle to convey how utterly sad we are to have lost that particular child. Having a dear friend or family member ignore our child and our grief is just a slap in the face.
There are people in my own family (I have a huge one) who haven't said anything or haven't said enough. I just want to say dude. If my baby were born yesterday you would be buying me baby gear and flying out to LA to visit. You'd be smoking It's a Boy cigars and jockeying for the next turn to hold the kid.
But because the baby died you say nothing? This is the very definition of adding insult to injury.
We do have to cut them a little slack, as they are blissfully unaware of what loss feels like, but I encourage you, if you're one of the people who found my blog by Googling, "what to say to a miscarriage person," (seriously, this appears in my traffic log) the answer is: something.