Yesterday was the due date of my second baby, Juliet, who I lost at 8 weeks. The dates always hit like anvils. This is what could have been. This is what should have been. It's a quiet grief, like the tree that falls in the forest that no one hears.
I lost this baby after an ordeal of praying and hoping and believing this baby would make it. I had already been through miscarriage hell that previous fall. On February 28 I started spotting. I knew it was over but I held out hope. On February 28 I found out my younger brother and his wife were pregnant with their first, due October 31.
Of course their baby was and is fine.
He will make his grand appearance very soon.
There have been many times in the past seven months that I've been ok. Ok with their baby. Ok with grieving and still celebrating their baby.
But today I just feel like shit.
I bought them a small gift but no big gift yet. I know I'm expected to buy like the stroller or something. I've put it off for so long. I'm running out of time. But every time I visit the Target website, I just can't do it.
love to all,