Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Grief - Do it now... and later too

A dear friend sent me this story from NPR about a couple and their experience with miscarriage and grief. They planted a bulb to commemorate their lost baby. The story got me thinking about how we grieve. I know I've emailed back and forth on this topic with many of you, so feel free to chime in.

Without further ado, here are five ways to commemorate your lost baby.

5. Buy jewelry. Duh, you deserve it. Also, it's special. A friend bought me a "comet" necklace off Etsy. She said it was to signify a bright spot gone too quickly. I remember the sentiment each time I wear it.
4. Journal your heart out. It really does help.
3. Write a letter. To the little one. Kinda like journaling, only more specific.
2. Plant a tree. Stake out a special place and dig deep into the earth. Take pictures. Cry.
1. Name the baby. I named both of mine. I don't really use their names when thinking of them, but I like that they have them. Bizarre, I know.

Anyone have a special tip to share?

lots of love,


  1. I definitely did the journaling (or rather wrting on my blog), jewelry, planted trees/bushes, named them... I also got a tattooed. It all helped me with the process. I buy little things here and there that remind me of the babies, like birds for the first one, the colors of their birthstones. Those things are normally on a whim, and aren't overtly significant to anyone except me.

  2. Over a year ago a bought a canvas and didn't know what to do with it. Since my miscarriages, I've been wanting to somehow commemorate my babies in it. I finally painted it yesterday after finding out that a dear friend was pregnant. I painted it and wrote out a poem that I wrote after my first miscarriage.

  3. I've done most of the above. My first MC happened right before Christmas, so we bought a Christmas ornament to honor it. I didn't name that one officially, but I called it Little Bit from the moment I found out I was pregnant, so that's the name I still use. With the second one, I had an ultrasound pic, so I bought a special frame for it, which I keep on a shelf next to the Christmas ornament. Her name is Emma Grace (I just have a gut feeling that this one was a girl, even though there's know way to really know). I also journaled my heart out, which probably saved my sanity; prayed every day and poured out my hurt feelings and anger at God; and wrote a letter to Little Bit, and a song for Emma. I haven't done jewelry yet, but I'd like to get name pendants for both of them, eventually, something along these lines:

    My sister also had two MCs, and in addition to buying commerative knicknacks to display around the house, she also got tattoos for them.

    It's never really done, though, is it? Every time I think about them I want to do something else to remember them by.

  4. I am terribly sorry you have to write this blog. We lost our first baby and found out something was wrong in an extremely traumatic way that affects our marriage even four years later. About What Was Lost is an incredible book, and I bought several copies to have on hand to give. I am sorry to say that I have had reason to give them to friends or friends of friends but was glad to be able to offer comfort of some kind. I bought a handmade box covered in rose petals and put the bib that said " I love my Daddy" in it that I bought to tell my husband the news.

    My husband told me a few weeks ago that I am still paranoid and he is right. I am pregnant and we are supposed to tell some extended family today. Which terrifies me.