Monday, July 25, 2011

Worst Things to Say Part 2

It's time to revisit the Worst Things to Say, with reader submissions.

Even More Horrible Awful No Good Things to Say to Someone who has Experienced a Miscarriage:

5. From a coworker, "Well, now you know what to do differently next time." Yep. Never talk to you again.
4. From a friend, "Take some time to have fun with your husband while you can." Wow, you're just dismissing my pain completely. A margarita and trip to Cabo doesn't fix everything.
3. Miscarriages happen a lot. Aging parents often die. Would you remind someone of this fact after their parent dies?! You would never.
2. From a doctor, "Don't think of it as a miscarriage, just a late, really heavy period." Don't think of me as a patient, think of me as a grieving mother seeking a doctor who's not a complete jerk. See ya!
1. "Don't worry, you'll have a baby someday." Really? You can personally guarantee this? Do you have 20 grand to lend me for IVF? And you'll be our surrogate? Great!

If you've never personally experienced a miscarriage here's a refresher of 5 Things You Can Say. Let me know if I missed a good one.


  1. My mother, when I told her about my sixth miscarriage: 'well, I suppose they’re not so bad any more, because you’re used to them.'

    Funnily enough, I haven't told her about the seventh. Can't think why.

    The thing is, my mother can be the kindest, most adorable woman in the world. Except when it comes to anything to do with my uterus.

    1. My mother is the same. When we lost our fifth child (a little boy) at 19 weeks, she said she had been too embarrassed to tell anyone we were pregnant to begin with (she thinks everyone should have 2 children). Really, thanks Mom, you could have kept that one to yourself!

  2. ugggggh... they just don't get it! Doesn't she know that women who experience recurrent miscarriage are at a higher risk for suicide? I'm not saying any of us are going to harm ourselves, but the fact alone shows how hard miscarriage is. It's not like getting a root canal. Ugh.

  3. In my experience, the world is full of good people that say dumb things, and also lots and lots of morons

  4. From a good friend of mine...
    "Well, if your body doesn't work then I can be your surrogate. I havent had any health problems"

    From my best friend...
    "I dont want you to be mad, and I dont want you to be jealous, but..." said friend proceeded to tell me she was pregnant. Great introduction, right?

  5. Thank you so much for this blog!! Yesterday I had to have a D and E after my fourth unsuccessful pregnancy (this was blighted ovum, priors were 2 ectopic and 1 chemical pregnancy). I thought for sure we were golden this time, since the little bugger actually made it to my uterus! It made dealing with it so much harder than any of the other times. Your blog made me laugh and gave me the courage to facebook what I was going through. It was amazing how many people offered support!!

    To add to the list of things not to say:
    My one older friend found it appropriate to offer me words of advice on GETTING pregnant. HELLO I've been pregnant THREE times in the past twelve months (and that is with taking a few months off to let my body heal). I think I know how to get the job done.

    Good luck ladies!

  6. Along the lines of number 4, when I told a friend, mother of a five-year-old, that we had had a miscarriage, she told me to enjoy our time together alone now because once we have children (IF we do end up with children), we'll be looking back on these days with longing. Yes, I'll definitely be looking back on these days and longing to be crying over a miscarriage again!