The Duggar Miscarriage

Does anyone watch the show about the Duggars? They have 19 kids and a few grandkids too. They all play the violin and are named Jesse or Jessica or something. 

Whatever you think about their reproductive choices, it's still sad that they have lost their 20th kid in the second trimester. If you want to drive yourself crazy, read the comments on this Huffington Post article. 

True, they have a ton of kids and should probably focus on feeding the mouths they already have. But a loss is still a loss. I would think it would be especially hard because she has all the kids. She probably thought, hey, I have 19 kids, I'm a pro at this. I made it to the second trimester. I'm in the clear. I'm sure her loss is devastating. 

It's fascinating to me how people of faith credit God for all the good things in their lives. Michelle Duggar even said during the pregnancy announcement that God had seen fit to bless them with another child. 

But how do you explain miscarriage? A curse from God? A terrible event God "allows" to happen? If God allows it to happen to us, why are there 16-year-olds and crackheads who carry to term? It just doesn't add up. 

I have to believe it's all science because the faith answer fails me. That doesn't mean I'm not a person of faith, but I am conflicted over this whole realm of evil/suffering, etc.

I wonder how Michelle will talk about the loss and what language she'll use. And I hope that she can grieve in peace without people telling her "she deserves it."

over and out,

Ed

I thought my problem was STAYING pregnant?

In October I did everything right. Eating. Walking. Vitamins. Acupuncture, etc.

I was sure I was pregnant. I felt nauseated. I threw up once for NO REASON. One night my boobs hurt so much that I made my husband fetch me an ice pack, and I literally iced my boobs.

The only thing that came of my hard work to relax was two negative pregnancy tests and a horribly long and painful period.

In November I did everything right. Resting. Laughing. Vitamins. Acupuncture, etc.

I was sure I was pregnant. I felt exhausted. My boobs hurt and my brain felt foggy.

I had a negative pregnancy test this morning.

Going crazy,
Ed

It happened to me: xojane

Hi lovely readers! xojane just published an article I wrote about my two miscarriages. Check it out! Some reader comments make an appearance.

love to you all,
Ed

Retail Therapy: Diamond Edition

You know what makes me feel better? Buying stuff! Here are five unique items you can buy to commemorate your baby and lift your spirits.

1. Stones in nest. I've purchased these for a friend who has one living child and has had two miscarriages. You can order names engraved on the stones or images or a combination. The shop owners are super nice.
2. Comet necklace. A comet represents a bright spot gone too quickly. Comets also have that "other-wordly" quality that's totally appropriate.
3. Mother and child necklace. I love the intersecting circles on this piece.
4. Moon necklace. Another beautiful, symbolic necklace. The moon is always with us, far away but present at the same time.
5. Right hand ring. You are brave and have been through hell. You deserve a giant diamond on your right hand, whether you have one on your left or not.

Show me your commemorative stuff!

The Words of a Mouth-Breather

From lovely reader Shanlee:

"My husband doesn’t think that our losses are something to be kept quiet, especially to friends, and he is trying to eradicate the stigmatism associated with miscarriages. So after our second loss, one of his friends (who was a little hammered on booze) says to him, 'Don’t tell people about it, it makes people with kids feel bad.' That was after our second miscarriage. Good grief, imagine if we told him about our third!"

Maybe I have dark sense of humor [ed. note: of course I do] but I'm cracking up right now. I'm soooooo sooooooorry people with children who've never experienced infertility... we don't have the slightest intention of ever ever ever making you feel uncomfortable or .... worse.... thankful for the children you have! Our deepest apologies. Now let's return to our friendship of shoveling food in our mouths and grunting at the TV.

xo,
Ed

How about a tear-stained Target gift card?

Yesterday was the due date of my second baby, Juliet, who I lost at 8 weeks. The dates always hit like anvils. This is what could have been. This is what should have been. It's a quiet grief, like the tree that falls in the forest that no one hears.

I lost this baby after an ordeal of praying and hoping and believing this baby would make it. I had already been through miscarriage hell that previous fall. On February 28 I started spotting. I knew it was over but I held out hope. On February 28 I found out my younger brother and his wife were pregnant with their first, due October 31.

Of course their baby was and is fine.

He will make his grand appearance very soon.

There have been many times in the past seven months that I've been ok. Ok with their baby. Ok with grieving and still celebrating their baby.

But today I just feel like shit.

I bought them a small gift but no big gift yet. I know I'm expected to buy like the stroller or something. I've put it off for so long. I'm running out of time. But every time I visit the Target website, I just can't do it.

Any advice?

love to all,
Ed

The Complete Guide to facebook Post Miscarriage

Facebook. We all do it. It's awesome to keep in touch with people, but navigating the murky waters of 5 week pregnancy status updates and perfect ultrasound pics can be trying. Here's your complete guide on how to deal.

17. Read every post from every pregnant woman and cry continuously.
16. De-friend them all.
15. Feel bad and friend a few of them back while immediately blocking all of them from your feed.
14. Think about de-friending your pregnant sister-in-law again. Think about de-friending her in real life...
13. Glimpse an ultrasound pic in your feed. What. How can this be??? Realize you forget to block some of the soon-to-be fathers. Dammit! Block them all.
12. Wonder why your news feed is so light...
11. Wonder if so-and-so had her baby...
10. Visit her page and read all the updates you blocked for the past 4 months. Cry.
9. Get super pissed about some update and start screaming at your husband... "How NICE that everyone wants to bring dinner to the new parents!! Where were the dinners when our baby died?!" Realize that someone did bring you dinner and many people sent flowers. Still! Stomp around the house.
8. Tell yourself you're getting off facebook.
7. Realize you can't ... you love the funny musings from your brothers too much to quit.
6. Check your feed.
5. Dream of typing, "Hey pregnant bitches, no one cares about your stupid healthy pregnancy complaints!"
4. Post something about your fabulous LA child-free life. Relish the jealous comments.
3. Vow to give up jealously.
2. Vow to give up facebook.
1. Check your feed.