Btw this movie will not be distributed, as you are not Jim Carrey

This one is from Jen.

On the day she miscarried she called her boss to let her know that she would not be coming in. Her boss says, "It's crazy here, but I guess your health is the most important thing."

...

Dear Jen's Boss,

I've heard things are pretty crazy in the office. Maybe it's because you're driving everyone crazy? I'm guessing you're a total nut job. I hope you wake up one morning, and all of a sudden you're in a really stupid movie, like "Yes Man." The next thing you know, you're running around saying YES to yoga on the roof and eating fish heads straight from the barrel (confession: I watched 10 minutes of "Yes Man.")

Uh oh, here comes the climax of the movie, where you alienate everyone you love! You tried to say yes but everything backfired and people realize you're still a jerk! Then you have to run around making amends with everyone. You give Jen 10 weeks of paid time off! "I promise, I've changed," you say tearfully to your employees. They forgive you. Only after a friendly roast of everyone in the room being like, "you know who's the worst boss? YOU!!!"

Hahahaha. Everyone laughs.

This song plays. The End.

Ed

Yes, I would like some wine with this cheese

After my first miscarriage, I felt terrible guilt for not telling my baby that I loved him each and every day. I shared this with a coworker. She had had children later in life and was remarkably sensitive about the situation.

She said, "Your baby knew you loved him. Every time he heard your heartbeat he felt your love."

This is a total cheesy, cheese ball statement, yet it was so comforting to me. Losing a baby is so psychologically disturbing. I never held my baby. I never kissed his cheek and said I love you sweetheart.

I tell my parents I love them every day. I tell my husband. I even tell my dog (probably more times per day than is normal).

Knowing my baby felt my love is of critical importance to me. I loved you baby, and I still love you, to the blue, blue sky.

I will now invent a preggo ad blocker

And I will make literally dozens of dollars.

I made the mistake of clicking on the Mariah Carey ALL ABOUT THE BABIESSS!!! issue and now I feel sick. And also angry. I'm sangry! Why does there have to be any pregnant women ... anywhere... ever?

I wish I had a preggo ad blocker. It would block all mention of pregnancy on the web. It would also block all happiness and smiling people.

The only stories left would be sad and shriveled and wonderful, like my soul.

P.S. Can you tell I have my period?

Over and out,

Ed

Babe, you're no Bette Midler

Here's another one from Lady E:

After her mother's choice response, she told a friend/coworker about her miscarriage... (we all know the coworker/friend relationship is fraught with landmines...)

And this person says, "Ugh. I can't imagine another little one."

What I wish E could have said in return: "That's soooo funny. No one actually asked you your opinion. You're like Bette Midler in Beaches, 'Enough about me, what do you think of me?!' Except you're not nearly as cool. Instead of funny, it's annoying. Was it your little one you lost? No? Interesting. Shut it."

Not crazy, just practicing

From an elder at church (a woman btw):

"That was just a practice run."

My lost baby was a practice run. Like I'm some sort of "practicing" home-ec major from the year 1943? No.

A practice run is when you babysit a friend's kids, and after coming home smelling of baby puke and poo and play dough, you say to your husband, "Let's never, ever, ever have two kids under the age of 2."

A practice run is when you get a puppy, think it will never be house trained, and clean up endless piles of pee and poo. Puppy chews through all the carefully hidden cords under the TV cabinet. And the leather chair. And the coffee table. You think, hmmm this is preparing me for kids.

A pregnancy isn't practice; it's called REAL LIFE.

Also, why would you need to have a pregnancy in order to prepare for pregnancy? Gee, I'm so glad I ran through the roller coaster of emotions when I lost my baby! Now I will be so much more paranoid when the next baby comes! Seeeee practice!

Aren't you a little young to be making senile comments?

From sender-inner Lady E.

Upon telling her own mother about her miscarriage, her mother says:

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. But aren't you reaching the age limit for that anyway?"

...

The silence you hear is me lifting my chin up off the floor. Lady E is only 39. Also, how rude! Maybe it's time to start looking at "residential facilities" for mom...

Monday Morning Kick in the Teeth

This gem of a facebook message was sent to my husband from his longtime friend and former roommate:

(loose paraphrase)

Hey. I have some big news. My girlfriend of five minutes and I are pregnant. It's quite unexpected, but we're really happy and feel like this is the right time. Did I mention we're really happy?! I know I live life like a college student and can barely remember to cut my toenails, but we're having a baby. Ha! Ha! We're so excited.

love,
Your friend who's avoided you for the past four months